The Waiting Game

I'm in the waiting place.  Just like in The Places You'll Go by Dr. Seuss...sometimes you are just waiting.  There's really nothing more that can be done at this point except to wait, and try again next month if I didn't get pregnant this month.  On Tuesday I get my progesterone levels checked to see if I ovulated or not.  That will help the waiting.  Either I will have something to look forward too (and more waiting), or I will know that I can start the cycle all over again.  ............................

Ovulating?

I'm feeling crampy, but I'm terrified that I'm not going to ovulate this month...the waiting is tortuous!

Could it really happen this month?

The Worst Weekend Ever and the HSG from Hell

What could be worse than your sister and sister-in-law both getting pregnant before you while you are trying?  Having one of them get pregnant TWICE!  Hillery let us all know that she was pregnant again, wonderful.  I'm happy that they can just get pregnant so easily, but it was supposed to be my turn next, especially since I am only a month or two away from getting pregnant.  Did she really want to have another baby that badly, cause I can't help feel like my toes have been stepped on.  Then I had to hear Lori and Jerry talk about Hillery being pregnant.  It wouldn't be so bad if I knew I was pregnant and just wasn't telling them, but it is just heartbreaking for me. 

Then, to top off my oh-so-excellent weekend, I had an HSG done on Tuesday afternoon.  I was definitly warned that there could be some uncomfortable cramping with the procedure, and I was ready for some discomfort.  I was totally unprepared for what actually occurred.  First, the lab tech talked my ear off for nearly 30 minutes before the procedure and decided to talk about some personal things (miscarriages, her mom's cancer, her dogs, her divorce) then the doctor came in, and not only had a weird eye, but he acted like a robot.  Then he put on his lead apron that looked like it was made for vets since it was like an Aunt Jemima cooking apron with doggie paw prints all over it. 

The procedure was slightly uncomfortable, and the dye was a brownish coppery color which I was unprepared for.  What I was even more unprepared for was the severe cramps, nausea, and sweating that came immediately following the procedure.  The cramps escalated to the point where they had to call Brad to come and get me.  Before he could get there, I was in so much pain, that was completely out of the norm for this procedure, that they called the ambulance and rushed me to the FMH ER.  All the times I have wanted to see the inside of an ambulance, I was in so much pain, I couldn't even open my eyes.  The oxygen in the ambulance helped a lot, and when everyone finally left me a lone for a few minutes (lying on a stretcher in the hallway of the ER) the cramps finally started to subside, and I felt better.  By the time the ER doctor came to see me, I was feeling fine, and was able to walk right out less than an hour later.

So, the clomid is done, the HSG complete, and the "schedule" is already tiresome.  We'll see if anything happens this month.  Christy, who has had very similar symptoms to myself, got pregnant the first time with both of her children on Clomid.  So, even though I don't want to get my hopes up, I'm hoping that I am as lucky as she was.

Bring it On!

So I have finished the Provera, and I think I am going to get my period tonight.  The pink/bloody mucus has begun again, but I think that I need to wait for it to be a "real" period before I can call it Day #1 of my cycle.  After so much waiting, everything comes so fast once that first bleeding begins.  Starting the Clomid, making an appointment for the dye test, and everything else that it takes to make a baby!

The funny thing is that I have repeated dreams about having twins - it is always one boy and one girl.  The dreams are very detailed like: should they sleep in the same room, do they need matching cribs, do I need two monitors, I'm going to have to label the monitors so I know who is crying.  Seriously?  These are not vauge, general dreams.  You would think that I was actually preparing for this and not just anticipating that it migth happen.  It makes me feel crazy. 

If "Day #1" is today, then the documenting begins...

Provera

Started the Provera today to bring on my period.  I gave the metformin a month, but the doctor told me that I didn't have to wait at all.  I just thought that the Metformin would work on its own.  I'm tired of taking medicine and not knowing if it's doing anything.  So I started the Provera today.  My only thought is that if the Metformin was about to bring on my period, then the Provera may work very quickly.  I'm bracing myself because the day it comes is the day the countdown begins. 

Brad and I just went out together tonight for a "date night" and both revealed to each other that the twin vibe was strong.  We both just have a strong feeling that twins will be the outcome of all this medicine.  I mean, since we were able to conceive once, it seems that with help, we'll do very well (right?).  I even had a day dream about labeling monitors and if the twins would have the same room or two separate rooms.  I decided on two separate rooms and would label the monitors "Joe" and "Katie"...one boy, one girl?  (Though no idea where those two names came from...haven't been on any list that I've come up with).  That would be wonderful!  We'll just have to wait and see what happens.  Obviously, I'll be elated to just get pregnant again, boy, girl, one, two, three (yikes!)...whatever...we'll take it! 

The other sobering thing about the "countdown" is that the doctors will only let us try so many cycles with the clomid before they decide not to let me try it anymore.  So this is a relatively short process and should be either yeah or nay within a few months.   Life is great with one...are we tempting fate by doing this again. ????

Getting Anxious

I'm getting anxious for this Metformin to help me get my period.  I know that it has only been three weeks, but I take it every day, twice a day, and I just want to see something happen or change.  I originally was going to wait until October 1st to start taking the Provera again, but then I realized that I really wasn't giving the Metformin a chance, so I think I'll give myself another week or two before going on the Provera. 

I got the paperwork that the dye test was approved (HGC?).  So now I have that to look forward to.  I was kind of hoping that I wouldn't have to do it because I don't think that my tubes are the reason I'm not getting pregnant...I'm pretty sure it's because I'M NOT OVULATING?!?!?!  Anyway, I will amuse the Dr. and do what he says...he's treated this more times than I have. 

I did go walking the other night, and it felt great.  I'm going to get dressed and go for a walk this morning.  I am more in the right mindset about it; I just need to make myself find the time.