Thus begins my quest...

It was a little over two years ago when Brad and I started trying for another baby and realized that I didn't get my period after having Brady and being on the pill. After struggling to just lose weight to the realization that I may suffer from Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) we have decided to turn to the medical world for some help.

This decision was a long drawn out battle within myself. Each month I didn't get my period or tried to lose weight, and didn't, I would get more and more depressed about the situation. I then had a moral dilemma on my hands. What would God think about using medicine to have a baby. I am grateful that he gave me Brady who is so healthy and smart...am I just being greedy? Should I just be happy with what I have? Brad has been the most supportive husband in the world. Though I know that he has always wanted more children, he has never pressured me or made me feel bad about the situation we are in. I definitely think that having Brady gave us the stamina to try to correct the problem on our own before turning to the doctors for help.

I visited the OB-GYN frequently to make sure that I was doing the best I could to try to ovulate on my own. In May I gave myself a timeline. If I couldn't lose weight and make my body ovulate by using natural methods by August, we would come up with a new plan.

On September 9th, I went to see my doctor about setting up a plan to use some drugs to help regulate me to try to get pregnant. We are starting out with Metformin. Because PCOS affects your blood sugar levels, it makes it very difficut to lose weight because your body becomes insulin resistant and your body begins to not react to the massive amounts of insulin in your system. Metformin is used by diabetics to regulate their blood sugar levels. In most cases with women with PCOS it regulates your insulin levels which prompt your body to ovulate. In some cases alone, Metformin can help women with PCOS get pregnant.

I am not a huge fan of "pill popping", and I don't like to be on more medication than I need, so my doctor and I came up with a moderately aggressive plan to try to ovulate and get pregnant. I need to go and get a dye test done to check to make sure that I do not have a blockage in my falopian tubes. This way I won't spend months on medications that won't do anything in the event that the problem is anatomical and not chemical. I have been taking Provera to get my period every three months. Though the doctor suggested that I take it now and get the dye test done this month, I convinced him to let me try just the Metformin for a month to see if I can possibly get pregnant with that.

In October, if I still haven't gotten a period, I will use the Provera, go for the dye test, and also add Clomid to the mix. Clomid scares me slightly. I am under the illusion that once I begin ovulating I will become pregnant, and therefore Metformin will be all I need. The doctor said he doesn't want to go with just one option, and that if we want to try, we really want to try. Clomid increasese your chance of having multiples (usually twins) to 10%. The average chance of conceiving twins is 4%...so the chance more than doubles. When you enter into the world of fertility drugs and injectible medicine, the chance increaesese to 40%. I guess because I have already had once child, and I think that my ovaries are still healthy, that I will be in the 10% that has twins.

On one hand, the thought of having twins in my belly is terrifying, on the other it is very exciting. Twins would definitely be an adventure and a challenge that both Brad and I would be ready for...though there is fear with every new change in life. When I thought about it, I would rather try and have multiples than not try and not have any more children, so it is definitely a risk that we are ready to take.

I began the Metformin yesterday morning and totaly jinxed myself last night by telling Brad that with the long list of side effects that came with the medication, I didn't feel anything...until this morning. The nausea has definitly set in. I took the morning off work to get my stomach settled before heading in. I'm sure that my body will be in for a roller coaster of changes and "effects" within the next year.

As exciting as this time in my life is, I am scared to share it with anyone (even my family). This is such a private and personal struggle, that I really want to keep the details between Brad and myself for the time being. Eventually (maybe), I will release this blog for others to read about what we had to go through to have children.

It is ironic that one of my biggest fears after marrying Brad was that we wouldn't be able to have chidren together. That fear was gone when we had Brady. It was very disappointing to find out that it wasn't as easy to have another. In the past two years I have watched many of my friends and family easily conceive and have children. Though I am happy for them, each time a pregnantcy annoucement is made there is a little stab of pity in my heart for myself...why can't that be me?